ITEM

Honestly, I’d be as happy as hell to be a loving item with you, but we should start by sharing a few truths about ourselves. For example, I have never—not once, ever—washed under my arms. Hear what I’m saying?  Never—not ever—have I cleaned my ‘unten dein armin’.  Have not—in my memory—been to the pits! But, if you can get past that when I raise the bridge for the first time since saluting in uniform to wave at my friends—who, by the way, are forever picking their noses, and wiping it on others—I can see us getting on like a house afire.